10/23/14
jasminetridevil

Starling’s Starred Links: October Edition

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Weight loss is hard! Here’s Gala Darling talking about proudly owning up to all the work you put into yourself.

I’m disappointed the three-boob lady isn’t real.

Yinz need to listen up: Pittsburghers have America’s Ugliest Accent.  I find it hard to believe the Yinzers beat Boston — or the entire South — but okay.

This scare article about Dungeons and Dragons from 1985 is hilarious. “You do not casually play [Dungeons and Dragons], just as you do not casually take heroin.”

Daddy’s a shapeshifter is a creepy story. That’s a Stephen King novella waiting to happen.

Illustrator

^ This image might be the definition of a First World Problem. That said, I have suffered in this way.

Hilarious and true: a teen was arrested for having sex with a stuffed house in a Wal-Mart. Guess which state it happened in. Just guess. Then click on the article and find out. Oh, while you’re there, giggle at every detail.

Someone threatened to shoot up Penn State last week. He said it was a “prank.”

Speaking of bad news, there are plenty of Ebola-themed crafts on Etsy.

And, finally, Facebook gave me this ad:

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Its algorithm must be very advanced to know how to combine my interests like that. What a blessing the Internet is.

10/20/14
HEART-SMALL

Death On A Dime: How to Craft A Cheap & Easy Heart or Halloween Garland

Need to decorate for Halloween? This is a cinch.

Heart-Garland

I’m going to chop off some heads this Halloween, so I made a few home decorations to go with my costume. This was so embarrassingly easy (and cute) that I had to detail it here.

To create the heart garland, you’ll need a sturdy heart-shaped punch, a few playing card decks, hot glue, and string.

Punch hearts out of the deck. Affix two dots of hot glue to the bumps at the back of each heart. Press the string into the glue dots. Leave it to cool for a few minutes, then stick it anywhere you’d like.

Want to creep it up a notch? Try doll heads instead of hearts.

The doll heads are a little tougher. I made them by doing Google Image Searches of “creepy doll head,” then saving my favorites to the desktop. I uploaded those images to Wal-Mart Photo and printed them for something like 18 cents each. Then I snipped them out and did the same hot-glue-plus-string rigamarole as before.

The hearts are cute, but the doll heads might make your friends break up with you.

You didn’t need them anyway. The voices can keep you company.

10/18/14
Wedding-LITTLE

Quakers: Not Just About Oats. But mostly about oats.

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Cool fact about Quaker weddings: they don’t have officiants.

Everybody hangs out in a circle, and if the spirit moves them, they say a few words about the couple, or whatever they feel like saying.

When everybody runs out of stuff to say, that’s that. Time for some food.

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My friends’ wedding last weekend was technically more of an anniversary celebration. They’d eloped in New Orleans on Halloween last year. So this shindig was even more laid back than the Quaker standard. It was in a tent, in a field. The food was potluck, and people played tailgating games around a bonfire.

The couple didn’t have an official photographer, so everyone took a few snaps and sent them to the couple. These were mine.

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I brought my DSLR to the wedding. When I got there, I unhappily remembered that the auto-focus on that camera was blown. I spent most of the afternoon scowling and fiddling with the lenses manually.

A plot to buy a new camera was hatched, along with a fantasy of shattering my current one against a brick wall.

When I got home, I saw the results.

A lot of my snaps were out-of-focus shite, but some of them were just right. Which is a pretty apt metaphor for what marriage is like, if I ever saw one. I’m keeping the camera (and, I suppose, my husband).

Congrats, Amy & Dylan! 

10/16/14
HeadlessPanda

I approve of this invoice.

My company’s accountant has a weird sense of humor, and Five Below sells stickers.

Combine these, and what do you get?

Me approving invoices with zest.

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“Today is going to be the day I turn my life around!” said Joe, who had no idea.

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“I ripped this rose from its stem to watch it slowly decompose,” Ella said.
“Uh, are you feeling okay?” Muffin asked.

Continue reading

10/8/14
Swamp-Thing-Space-Small

Combining unlikely genres

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If Leprechaun in Space can be a thing, Swamp Thing in Space should become one, too.

Speaking of mixing genres, I’d like to combine a romantic comedy with horror. 

In my omedy (“ominous comedy”) film, one of the protagonists lives in a house that’s wicked haunted by a super-terrifying ghost.

The characters are so besotted that they fail to notice entirely. 

There would be moments where:

  • Lady protagonist shuts the mirror, and the ghost is ominously behind her. However, she’s so busy prepping for a Cute Date that she doesn’t notice.
  • The couple Has Sex For The First Time, and the floating ghost head watches through the window. They don’t notice.
  • Dolls’ eyes follow the characters around the apartment. No one acknowledges this.
  • The paintings/photos in the house slowly change into far more ominous things. The characters bluster right past this. In one scene, a Cute Selfie is pasted directly over a particularly grotesque one with zero acknowledgement.
  • A Ouija board inexplicably appears; the planchette moves on its own. No one asks why it’s there or spots it eerily moving in the out-of-focus background. We’re too busy watching them eat ice cream in their underwear in the foreground. They’re booping each other on the nose with spoons.

Never in the film must they ever be affected by the haunting.

I’m casting Jake Gyllenhaal as the male lead and Amanda Seyfried as the female lead because they are both cute as buttons.