Yule love these gift suggestions for witches!

When they talk about “Christmas magic,” this is not what they mean.


If you have a witch — or an edgy teenager — on your list and are baffled, let me help you. This is right up my alley. My house is on the left, in fact.


Carved candle ($28) – You should click on this link just to look at the detailing. I’d never ever burn this. Partly because I have asthma, sure, but mostly because it’s a pretty object.

Cashmere star scarf ($150) – Gets the point across subtly.

Handmade journal ($49) – Spells, rants, grocery lists, haikus, ideas for essays, and dirty limericks all have a fancy new place to live.

The Magicians ($3+) – Did you feel that the Harry Potter series didn’t have enough drugs or desolation-fucking? If so, I have a bleak series just for you.

Engraved amethyst runes ($33) – It’s up to the recipient to figure out how these work. Aren’t they pretty?

American Horror Story: Coven figure ($12) – I have two of these: Myrtle Snow and Papa Legba. I adore them. They are creeping up my living room as I type.

Cardboard Safari human skull ($40-200) – A comment at the bottom of the site describes this as “the best skull I’ve ever had.” Try not to think too deeply about that.

Druzy moon necklace ($63) – I dare say these are… charming.


I’ll be here all week.

Merry Yule, Internet.


I haven’t tried learning a new thing in a long time.

Hey guys, I’d like you to meet Gouda. I spent all day making him.


Like me, he enjoys the finer things in life.


You might be thinking, “all these photos are taken from the same basic angle. What does he look like from other angles?”

It’s not pretty.


Gouda has a secret.

Several, in fact: he’s lopsided, has holes, and is actually stuffed with a plastic trash bag. (I couldn’t find the Poly-Fil.)

He’s my first amigurumi figure.

He was really fucking hard to make.

I watched YouTube tutorials again and again. I scowled at the tutorial, and the amazing Sharon Ojala‘s perfect big and tiny mice.

While I was making him, I yelled at my husband and dog to hush. I cursed a lot. I mixed myself a hard drink. (This didn’t help.)

I lamented my clumsy doof-hands.

I said, more than once, “I’m definitely too dumb for this.”

And I thought, “here’s the reason nobody reads ‘the classics’ or picks up new hobbies after 25. It’s hard.”

It’s why we’re all fat and lazy and have bad teeth.

Veggies are hard. Exercise is hard. Flossing is the worst.

I’ve made you an inspirational desktop with my calligraphy and this photo. (Click to make it bigger & save it.)


Put it on your work computer.

It’ll impress your boss, I promise.

But seriously guys… when you succeed at something new and tough, you’ll see that it’s worth it.

Work through the frustration, and maybe you’ll have nice teeth — or a mouse friend.


Goths at the gym, vampire birds, and crickets for dinner

Wanna hear the “scream of 1,000″ corpses? Try this death whistle.

Speaking of creepy science: vampire birds.

15 Foods to Add To Your Diet in 2015 — Spoiler: it’s crickets.


It’s okay; I wasn’t emotionally ready for the Little Prince trailer, either.


The diametric opposite of that trailer is this one involving Zombie Christ and, from the same movie (apparently), Hitler riding a T-Rex.

Screen Shot 2014-12-13 at 9.08.13 PM

Health Goth: When Darkness and Gym Rats Meet — Why doesn’t my local YMCA have a Nine Inch Nails cycling class on offer? (Photo via Danai Moshona.)

Come make fun of white people: The 2014 Hater’s Guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalog.

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Five Fandom Friday: Gift Ideas for A Sci-Fi Geek

Christmas is about giving. It’s also about receiving. This post is a list of suggestions for a sci-fi geek — but it includes a fair number of things I wouldn’t turn down. Just sayin’.


Custom Star Trek dress ($120) – You’d never have to struggle to decide what to wear to a wedding or job interview again.

Planet Chocolates (approx $30, before shipping) – This is a set of 8 planets. Eight. I miss Pluto.

Doctor Who Watch ($180) – I haven’t seen a lot of Who, but this watch is bangin’.

Galaxy Bedspread ($148) – The opening credits for Space Cases strongly feature the Horsehead Nebula. It’s essentially my nebula.

Alien Abduction Lamp ($90) – Move aside, Christmas Story leg lamp — this is the tackiest in town.

Wicket Ewok Plush ($24) – My name is Leah and I was born in the 80s. Of COURSE someone cleverly gave me an Ewok plush. The new plush is more accurate to the movies, but the 80s version was cuter:


Ray gun pen ($130) – I love it. And the stand. There’s really no justification for a pen that’s more than $20, but LOOK AT IT.

Pretty pictures and sass-mouth since 1984