These 5 sketchbook spreads will make you more stupid.

“Do male Medusas go bald?” 

You can’t un-read that dumb-ass question.

Space Banksy says: “I flew millions of light years to leave my art in your craps!” 

What if crop circles are “real”? Are they the equivalent of a teenager with a can of spray paint?

Are crop circles left by cosmic assholes who are actively disappointing their parents?

“It’s a dog-eat-dog world. But I’m a vegan.” 

To extend the animal metaphor, you can’t win the rat race if you’re not in it. But who wants to be a rat, anyway?

Why are all of the metaphors about getting ahead always animal-based? What does that say about the nature of success? That we lose our humanity to achieve it?

I know. That’s something a nihilistic 14-year-old boy would say.

 

 

Ninja Turtle to Squirrel: “… Dad?”
Squirrel: “Oh hell no. I always use condoms.” 

At what point did Splinter have to tell his kids that they were adopted?

Or did they figure it out on their own?

Donatello: “There’s no one in the universe that Pops could’ve banged to make us come out.”
Raphael: (storms out, breaks stuff)
Leonardo: I’ll go after him, I guess.
Michaelangelo: I’m going to eat my feelings. It’s a 3-pizza kinda day.

Ghosting: “I’m not going to text you back.” 

Was ghosting started by Casper-being passive-aggressive to his girlfriend?

Does your skull hurt from just skimming your eyes over that question?

I hope you found your visit to my sketchbook fun, if not intellectually enlightening.

5 Links, Including A Fugly Shark & Badly-Dressed Teenagers

^ 1. It’d be super-fun to submit something to this year’s Graceful Envelope Contest. Check out the galleries of winners here.

2. We always suspected this, but it’s now been proven that dogs know who’s a jerk.

^ 3. Go ahead and google “goblin shark.” I’ll wait.

4. This Amazon Review makes me laugh every time I think about it. I keep it in my brain’s (metaphorical) back pocket and break it out as needed.

^ 5. The Japanese magazine FRUiTS is shutting down because “there were no more fashionable kids to photograph.” Kids these days. Am I right? Get off my lawn, you shabbily-dressed ragamuffins.

5 Collage-Infused Sketchbook Spreads, Psychologically Examined

Sometimes I look at blank pieces of paper and hiss “stop stressing me out.”

I take them and slap some ripped-up magazines or whatever on top so that insidious whiteness can’t assault me any more. Then I usually glue or draw figures on top, because every page winds up needing some kind of character living on it. Abstraction never feels right on its own.

There are people out there who specialize in looking at what artists choose to draw and draw inferences (pun intended) accordingly.

“If you sketch weird or ugly faces, you are probably mistrustful.”

Uh-oh.

“One who is sensitive to living creatures, the type of animal is a great deal about the mood of the doodler and often the type that the person wants to be (ex: tiger means desire to be courageous, snake means sneaky).” What does a snake crawling out of a totem pole man-bird mean?

“Drawing Several Flowers in Order: desire to see sense of family/togetherness.” (source) What does that mean? And what happens if the flowers are the tail of some kind of ragweed-nightmare mermaid?

Drawing food allegedly indicates “need for love, desire to be filled up, of course it might indicate hunger/thirst.” (source) Hunger/thirst? Yep. I’m always starving.

My choice to draw a hermit crab means “slowness, lack of self-confidence, more introverted tendencies.” (source). True enough!

“Creating spontaneous cartoons aids in information processing. Doodlers who are able to portray emotion in simple drawings are great at discerning customer experience and behavior.” (source) False.

Hit and miss, but pretty interesting anyway!

May you all find deep psychological truths in your illustrations, Internet.

5 great links to enjoy this week.

^ 18 Less-Than-Inspiring Wallpapers. They’re are about to be incorporated into all of my computers.

Why would anyone sell a book for a penny on Amazon? I’ve always wondered about this. Mystery solved.

^ Were you aware? In the 70s, Bhutan had postage stamps that were made of playable vinyl. Learn more here.

^ I yearn for one of these scarves. All the whimsy of an animal-scarf; none of the horror of a literal corpse around your neck. (I keep seeing real vintage mink stoles at antiques stores. The eyes, guys. The eyes.)

^ Can you beat my stats (above) at the 1-minute typing test?

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5 (Non-Spoiler) Thoughts I Had While Watching Split

I don’t want to post any spoilers, but I am happy to announce that M Night Shyamalan has finally released a film that isn’t crap.

Which is awesome, because I feel like Shyamalan has so many great ideas… that never quite pan out in real-movie plot situations. I want Shymalan to succeed. He just… usually doesn’t for me.

Split stars James McAvoy (Professor X in the X-Men prequels) as a man with multiple personalities who kidnaps three teenage girls. Can they escape?

As I was watching this movie, I had the following 5 (non-spoiler) thoughts:

1. Apparently there’s nothing that can keep me from crushing on James McAvoy.

His character’s personalities include a pederast with OCD, a 9-year-old-boy, a gay fashion designer, and a very prim woman (above).

As each horror the character committed unfolded — and he’s definitely the antagonist — I thought “is this the final straw?”

It was never the final straw. The final straw may not exist.

2. Is Split Personality Disorder (Dissociative Identity Disorder) really a thing?

I couldn’t remember. Turns out no one’s 100% sure, and it’s, for the most part, not taken very seriously. This article does a nice job of talking about it. [Above graphic by Diana Dihaze.]

3. Teenage girls are the worst.

The protagonist (foreground) spends time locked in a room with two girls from her class (background). Their stupidity is profoundly well-written. They have this chipper “we can fix it!” gung-ho attitude toward their abduction that feels like an Oprah episode. Don’t worry: the main character tells them to stuff a sock in it.

4. Was The Happening really a thing?

It’s a movie about plants emitting a deadly toxin — then abruptly stopping for no reason.

How could the same writer/director make such varying films?

5. What’s the consensus on Shyamalan now? Am I going to get judged for liking this movie?

Split was interesting, surprising, and oddly funny. Definitely my favorite of his movies since 6th Sense — which was almost 2 decades ago.

Is he setting me up for more disappointment, or has he gotten his groove back?

Did any of you see the movie, Internet?